When the waiting is hard

I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. 14 Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.~Psalm 27:13-14

Confidence.  This is not something I always had.  I was like many people who hoped for the best and expected the worse.  There even came a time where I didn’t really hope.  My days consisted of going to work and coming home to pull the covers over my head.  The covers and the darkness of my room represented so many things like an attempt to hide from myself.  A means of covering the shame I felt for even being in a pit of despair.  I could only deal with my pain in the dark because if I did it in the light others who see just how big of a fraud I was.  They would see that I was a weak and broken woman.  And I also feared that whose saw my pain would lack the compassion and discernment to know how to help.  

Yes, I was trapped for many years with feelings of inadequacy and hopelessness.  I was not waiting on the Lord.  I was not trusting Him.  In fact, I was very upset with Him.  I felt betrayed because I didn’t think I deserved the hand that life was dealing me.  I was so very bitter and so I remained, in the wilderness walking in circles.  Walking in the land of the dead.

Yet, even in all of my pain and anguish, God’s grace was so evident.  I never went hungry in my wilderness.  I did not lose my job.  My children continued to excel and prosper.  The weapons that formed against me, thoughts of suicide and depression, never took me out. I may not have understood what it meant to wait, but My Father did.  He blessed me with time.  He waited on me to look up and see Him.  He gave me that precious gift.  He restored my hope. My life has changed and I have been changed.

Today, I have that confidence because it is not placed in myself but in the God of the impossible.  The God who took this girl’s shattered heart and gave her a new one.  My confidence is in the truth because Jesus is the truth.  He is the way and the life. He is my hope that my happy is only “bumped” and not destroyed. He is my strength and He has taught me how to wait.  He never gave up on me and I will not give up on Him.

Maybe you are in a tough spot right now.  You have been waiting for a long time and feel like you the near the end of your rope.  Words of encouragement may sound shallow to you, but that is the pain and anguish talking.  I realize that the valleys can be painful experiences, but please know that God is with you.  You will see His goodness.  A better day is coming.  Hold on.  Be confident in the promises of God.  You are loved and you will make it because God never fails.

Father, help us to hold on to the truth of your love for us.  Help us to believe and not doubt.  May we place our confidence and trust in You.  In Jesus name. Amen